Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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