just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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