Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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