I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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