WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i now understand why vodka
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
