We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
