Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
