it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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