I accidentally had phone sex last night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
