I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
