She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
