she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
