Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need moral support for this bender
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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