Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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