I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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