i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
