if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
honey bunches of taint.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
