You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
