Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
