"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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