Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
