i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
