we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
