So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
