sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
