you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
