Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
