went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
