I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
