The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
