i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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