I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm like, not good at living.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
