I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
