M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
