she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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