Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize