He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
