So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
