Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
