Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are my feet made of real feet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
