i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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