I am puke
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
