we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
