I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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