By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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