my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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