So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
