I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
