Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
