i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
