I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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