You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
