I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
